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hey, why can i never get to you? [entries|friends|calendar]
there's a sea of bodies between us.

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(1 fuck !!!!!! you )

been too long. [07 Sep 2010|09:25am]
bout to only use this thing. so many good memories here.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

(3 fuck !!!!!! you )

[25 Mar 2008|04:53pm]
 forgotten all about this thing.

still havin a good time.
i travel all the time.
i hang all the time.
i work all the time.
im suspended from school for 3 months.
i get $10 an hour to sit here and do this.
im still crazy about a little blonde shy boy.

going to united blood this weekend and im stoked.

i dont even remember who is my friend on livejournal anymore.

(3 fuck !!!!!! you )

[15 Oct 2007|01:21am]
 things are the best theyve ever been. i'm running on 2 months being late on rent but it doesnt mean shit.

i have the best friends in the entire world who don't disappoint me one bit.
my job rules.
i'm going back to school on tuesday.

and i have found my equal in this world who makes me feel absolutely free. i'm so young and i never expected this at all, but its out there and its comin to get all of you, this feelin. just hope that youre lucky enough to catch it and shit.

i find time to bust my ass at work and yet have awesome scary movie parties at my house and bowling nights and still end up staying up til 5 am talking to the best dude in the entire fucking world.

i also have a terrible weakness for messy faux hawks as well. his, anyways. fffuuucccckkk.

(1 fuck !!!!!! you )

[12 Sep 2007|12:14am]
 only way of communicating.
i let other peoples words try to explain me.
tryin to let you see through to me a little but keepin it within arms length so i wont be disappointed.
can't even listen to some of my favorite bands anymore. 
im going to see senses fail next month and its going to be weird as fuck.
trying to torture myself into listening to it all so i can become numb.

coldplay - fix you

all i can say right now.

( you )

[11 Sep 2007|01:27pm]
 do you think that it would be a shame,
if i wished that we were back in school again,
if only so i could walk you home.
before you got your own place, with your own bills to pay.
and i know its geting late, tomorrow morning you've got work.
and i know you don't like calling, putting yourself out there to get hurt.

just say the word. 
ill be outside, in the parking lot.
with the engine running by the curb.

ill even let you pick the records we play.

all i wanna do, is waste some time with you.
and drive the night away.

so if you get this message, call me back whenever.
i'll be around all day.

(1 fuck !!!!!! you )

[08 Sep 2007|03:43pm]
 got from your screen to your stereo part 2.
brittany, i fucking love you.

this song and 'king of wishful thinking' are the jams of 07.
the lyrics to when in rome - 'the promise' are really hittin me right now.

If you need a friend,
don't look to a stranger,
You know in the end,
I'll always be there.

And when you're in doubt,
and when you're in danger,
Take a look all around,
and I'll be there.

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.  i promise.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. i promise.
But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you I will.

When your day is through,
and so is your temper,
You know what to do,
I'm gonna always be there.

Sometimes if I shout,
it's not what's intended.
These words just come out,
with no gripe to bear.

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. i promise.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. i promise.
But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say, i promise.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be, i promise.
And if I had to walk the world, that make you fall for me,
I promise you, I promise you I will.

I gotta tell ya, I need to tell ya, I gotta tell ya, I gotta tell yaaaa ...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. i promise.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. i promise.
But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise you, I promise you...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. i promise.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. i promise.
And if I have to walk the world to make you fall for me,
I promise you, I promise you I will ...
I will...
I will...
I will...

( you )

[05 Sep 2007|03:38pm]
You're no good for me, my formulated drug. An acquired taste awaits to sate this unrequited love. It tastes so grey, yet necessary to sustain frustration. Take just enough to get you fucked up, not so much that it drives you away.

A constant escape. The magnificent restraint that it takes to stay away. I've no control at all. I constantly dream. The memories invade the things I keep with me. I'm getting high on the roof of the world. You are the bent and blackened spoon. You are the butane. You are the bedroom. You are the improbable excuse for the horrible things that I do. You're no good for me, but I guess not bad enough. On quiet nights I come to find you crawling through my kickdrum. Hell bent on deliverance of all the priviledges of being with you. Heaven sent. I crane my neck to watch you desperately march down my chest, enjoying every step. Emphasized by distances we never intended. You come crawling back through my regrets to remind me what you said.

"We're no good at this."

- crime in stereo always rips the words right out of my head.

( you )

[05 Sep 2007|02:03pm]


if you have something to say, fucking say it to ME.

(2 fuck !!!!!! you )

[29 Aug 2007|08:39am]

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

yeah, i guess its just impossible for me to have an ACTUAL friend. haha. riiiiiiight. and i dunno what it is you actually told me, so i dunno what really would happen would every single person just leaves me in the dark because of something YOU think.

i HAD a decent attitude about all of this. despite the bullshit. breaking up is never good, or it wouldnt fucking happen. i tried to make the best of the situation and keep some sort of bond there, but fuck that. and i DO have that 'fuck you' attitude because if i didnt have it i'd let people like you walk all over for the rest of my life. and i'm tired of that. 

i got people who do things for me now. and want to hang out with me BECAUSE OF WHO I AM, and not because i'm a fucking girl. i think that just pisses you off that GOD FORBID theres someone else who actually cares about me.

i really wanted to be adult about this but you keep making it impossible. i do not talk down on you one bit. and its bullshit that you go around doing just that. i'll tell you now, nothing you or anyone that you will EVER know will say will EVER bring me down. because i'm sick of the world tryin to make me out into someone else. i wanted some common ground, where we met halfway. theres no doing that. you have to feel like YOU finished it. because you cant tackle rejection and thats just the person you are.

this is the last time ill ever let anything you say invoke some kinda response at ALL. i tried to make it simple. but if you wanna bitch about being adolescent about it and then post all sorts of bullshit about how 'the last 235235 amount of your time was a waste'. then fuck you. because i don't care. my feelings are not hurt. and thats what surprises me most. you could say our whole relationship was a joke, but i STILL know the jokes on you.

i thought you knew me, but i was wrong. not disappointed, thats not the first time this has happened. but thanks to you i question everything anyone ever says to me. i doubt people. i keep them at arms length just incase i'll be disappointed. fuck that. i should not feel this way. i thought we had enough going that we could keep some sort of friendship going. you can never love someone too much to be their friend, if thats how you feel, we were never friends/you never loved me at all.

i know who i am, and the people around me everynight know who i am. and they know that i stick my neck out there no matter fucking WHO you are. and i let people get the best of me when i shouldnt. and im learning not to do that. these people wont leave me hanging like you did a lot of times. they are here for me every fucking time. theres no way you will ever make me feel alone.

( you )

[24 Aug 2007|12:05pm]

no one handles rejection well. the best thing you can do is try to fix what caused the problem.

you burn yourself once, do you want to do it the 23523523532th time around?

try blaming your fucking self for once.

(9 fuck !!!!!! you )


(2 fuck !!!!!! you )

[17 Jul 2007|11:00am]
even though we're on our own, we don't have to feel alone.

(9 fuck !!!!!! you )

[11 Jun 2007|03:56am]

school rules.
work rules.
i can honestly say thats never happened in my lifetime before.
i enjoy and look forward to going to both.
some of the coolest girls and dudes ever and i wouldnt like it if they werent around.

so ive actually starting taking clients, which is pretty boss.
not too busy just yet. but at the end of the month lots of people are graduating.
so it should pick up from there.

nathan and i are getting season passes to dollywood at the end of the month and goin with scott and brittany to FUN TOWN laksjfalsdfj its going to be righteous.
those two are amazing to hang out with, by the way. you dont know what youre missing.

saw hatebreed finally. it was amazing. felt like a teeny bopper.

goin back to london tomorrow, if someof the ole crowd wants to get together before i come back here. itd be nice.

nathans doing awesome at work and helpin me out around the house.
im way proud of him.
the person he is now just knocks his old self right out of the water.
he's becoming a super decent human being.

nobody reads this. but i wont dwell on that.


(4 fuck !!!!!! you )

been a while. [21 May 2007|02:39pm]

just a few things here, uh.
being employed at victoria secret has its benefits.
but its downfalls, not enough hours. think im picking up a second job.

the apartment is decent, financially stressed sometimes.
last night a topless hispanic lady ran in my apartment saying 5 guys made her take a cold shower and took her money.
that was interesting, uhhhhhh so yeah.
knoxville is a bit different than london.
hopefully theres not a rapist living upstairs.
either way, it costs me a dollar to do laundry so i never wanna do it.

school's going well. i'm about to graduate onto the clinic floor, so when i do. EVVVVVERYBODY come get your shit done by me because i want to be busy all the time.

i miss my little brother and my mum a whole lot, i go back to london ALMOST every weekend for those two.
who wouldve thought that my mom would be one of the best friends i ever had, i guess thats just the way things are supposed to go.

dont know a lot of people downhere right now, don't really have time. the only people i know right now and even chill with are people from school and a couple girls from work. just hectic right now. 

i just want someone to go watch shrek the third with me, thats all im sayin.

( you )

[19 Apr 2007|02:08pm]

(2 fuck !!!!!! you )

[23 Mar 2007|12:44am]

(1 fuck !!!!!! you )

[03 Mar 2007|03:37am]
will someone please tell me why the friendships i have either 
a) don't count and just eventually amount to nothing or
b) just seems like its an act

i seriously do NOT know. maybe im not any fun anymore. maybe i'm fuckin great and everyone else sucks. i really dont know but im so tired of LETS HANG OUT ALSKJF LOVE YOU ASLDKFJ i could throw up all over the place.

everyone ive been friends with is all about STATUS. if im not dating your friends, im not in the circle. if i dont hate like someone just because you do, im not in either. i just think everyone is full of shit, i guess.

of course this whole situation does exempt a total of THREE people who i have constant contact with who knows who i am, plus a few others who i dont have THAT much contact with that i could count on for anything.

everyone else, blah blah cause I FUCKING RULE AND IM BOSS AS HELL, and the fact that im friends with someone because of who they are and not who they hang with proves JUST that.

(3 fuck !!!!!! you )

[21 Feb 2007|01:10am]

my little boy isnt a little boy anymore. turned 18.
he has a lot of old friends who were never really friends at all.
theres so much more to nathan palmer than any of the useless memories and inside jokes you had with him when he drank.
and if youre one of those people who don't call him up anymore because he's not drunk, you suck.

next weekend is going to ruuuuuuuule.
im goin nuts about what he got me.

this might be our new fella. not a lot in common with my pug but i def. want to make them friends soon so we can adopt him ASAP.

see ya

(6 fuck !!!!!! you )

[16 Feb 2007|02:38am]
anybody want any of this stuff

(3 fuck !!!!!! you )

[29 Jan 2007|12:39pm]

show sunday was decent. 
dead hearts was life changing as usual,
i havent seen bloodlined calligraphy in 2 million years, pretty tight.
annnnnd etc etc. everybody was real energetic.
it must have been like body builder night there or something, holy balls.
got a little head start on the whole band photography thing.

nathan and i will officially have a cozy little place as of may.
stttttooooked. its going to be awesome to have someone around all the time to wrestle and play video games with. 
(heres where nathan rolls his eyes cause i never say anything GOOSHY =P)
plus i love the little jerk into pieces. guess it wont be too bad having him stealing the covers every night, hah.

i've gotta remember not to hold on, because nothing stays the same.

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